To Read Me, You Have To Know Me...
I am a stay at home mom on a mission. After having a decent, induced vaginal birth, a horrible c-section and finally a wonderful home birth, I want to help educate women about gentle birth choices. I am currently working on becoming a childbirth educator, birth doula and maybe one day a lay midwife. My experiences have shaped who I am and what I believe. If you've never had a traumatic event happen in your life, then you probably will never fully understand where I come from. Birth should not be that traumatic event like it is for so many. I recognize that there are 2 sides to every story, debate etc. I offer my side based on experience and research but I am also humble enough to respect the opinions of others as long as they are truly informed opinions, not just hateful ramblings. I also recognize that people take away different things from a situation because of their previous experiences etc. I encourage everyone who visits my blog to read my birth stories below as these are the driving force behind my time here.
Noah's Birth 3/13/02 - Induced Vaginal
Ethan's Birth 7/17/03 - C-section for FTP
I found out I was pregnant again when Noah was 8 months old. I was still breast feeding so did not think I could get pregnant yet but it was a welcome surprise. I stayed with the same practice with a promise from the midwife that I would not have to see the OB again. This was an empty promise as I found out when I went into labor and I should have known better. This is not the kind of thing a midwife can promise. At my 39 week visit, I was not favorable to be induced. I was miserable and they were estimating this baby was going to be big although no ultrasound was done. I had to see the OB because I had not seen him at all this pregnancy = first broken promise. He hurt me again and I think he tried to strip my membranes but couldn't get in because I wasn't dilated enough. A few days later, I went to the hospital at about 3:30 am with mild contractions that were steady. I didn't know what to expect since I was induced previously, you always hear about the second baby being born so fast you couldn't make it to the hospital. The midwife was on vacation and I got stuck with the OB; this was a complete surprise. He decided to keep me per a phone call, even though I was barely dilated, not fully effaced and barely having contractions. These were clearly braxton hicks although I didn't know that at the time. I was started on IV antibiotics because I had tested Group Strep B positive with this baby and I didn't know that, so another surprise that needed some explanation that I did not get. When he came in at 8:00 am, I tried to talk to him. I was extremely uncomfortable with him and wanted to at least get some form of communication going. He ignored me and left my room without talking to me at all about my concerns. He came back at noon, was not happy that I was not further along and ordered Pitocin. I tried to talk to him again, he actually spoke to my dad but ignored me. Since the hospital was short staffed on nurses, I did not receive the Pitocin for several hours. I actually took a long nap. I think I ended up with 7 different nurses that day. I tried to talk to each one, to let them know what I wanted and did not want because I was afraid of the OB and he hadn't listened to me. He came back at about 5:00ish and yet again was not happy so upped the dose. I was not encouraged to get up and walk or change positions. I was not in alot of pain so had no pain medication. We were forcing a labor that wasn't ready. He came back at 8:00pm and decided I needed a c-section even though I was at 4cm now and contractions were improving. I was in complete shock. There was no discussion about anything. The few questions I got out were quickly shot down, including the suggestion/question of breaking my water. There was no fetal distress or mom distress, there was no reason other than I wasn't progressing. 1 to 4 cm is progress right? The next events are a blur as I was exposed and prodded etc. They shaved me, and this would be every nurse int he hospital I think, put another painful catheter in, all while the nurse anesthetist is sitting there talking to me about the spinal I will be getting. My baby Noah had just came to the hospital to see me as I was being whisked away to the OR, I didn't even get to kiss him. I was given a spinal in the OR with contractions that at this point were getting painful. They missed and had to do it again. I was so scared to even move but I couldn't help it because I was crying and hurting. They wouldn't wait and give me a minute to compose myself. I have pain in that part of my back that has never went away. Ben was not with me, I was terrified. The scrub nurse recognized me from when I volunteered at the hospital in high school and she was wonderful to me. I would have completely lost it if she had not been there and held me. Ben finally arrived after they were already cutting me. I found out that he had to go back for the camera because they would not let him use the camcorder. I got to see a glimpse of my baby and faintly heard him cry as the general anesthesia or whatever it was took effect, something else that was a surprise. I woke up in ICU throwing up with no idea what happened to me or if my baby was OK. A nurse finally came in to check on me and said this was the normal place they take surgery patients after hours, nothing bad had happened. I was taken back to a different room than the one I was in while in labor (it was smaller and less cheery) and was in so much pain I couldn't stand it. Ben was there and he told me Ethan was OK, he was in the nursery. Ben went home for the night, I suggested he go. I really wished he would have stayed, I felt so alone. The nurse gave me something that knocked me out and I didn't see my baby til the next day, nearly 12 hours later. It devastated me. I was in so much pain and I was forced to get up and walk. It felt like my insides were going to fall out. I was also bombarded by a male nurse intern that refused to leave me alone during my recovery. He was overly eager to put into practice what he had learned and repeatedly wanted me to talk about my experience. I was still trying to figure out what had happened over the pain and drugs. I also got the pleasure of having him remove the catheter, which if possible, hurt more than when they put it in. When the OB came to remove the staples (he was not gentle), I found out that he had cut me vertically, which is like having the ability to move completely taken away, no wonder I was in so much pain and felt like it was all going to fall out. I was not informed about anything. I felt violated in every way. 12 weeks after, I was not recovered, not even close. I could barely move much less take care of my new baby and certainly not my 16 month old. Noah turned away from me because I couldn't hold him and he didn't understand. That hurt. My mom came and helped every day for 2 weeks. We were able to breast feed although it was a struggle for me because of bonding issues I think. I fell into depression that lasted nearly 3 years on some level. It was a nightmare and something I have never been able to get over completely. Ethan was healthy, that's all that matters right? He was born at 8:42 pm, 22.25 inches long and weighed 8lbs 7 oz. I don't have any pictures of me with my new baby until after we are home. The only picture I have of me in the hospital is sitting in the bed looking like I got hit by a truck.
There were many things that could have been done to prevent this c-section. First, I should have found a new practice/OB that I was comfortable with and treated me like a person with real concerns and desires rather than an animal. I should have been sent home to progress through the early stages of labor, if I was even in actual labor, and came back when things were more active, I should have been encouraged to get up and move to help labor progress, my water should have been broken to help labor progress or simply, I should have been given time for my body to work, as much as it needed. At no point was there any indication that the baby or myself were in distress. I was denied the right to have my child naturally. I am grateful to modern medicine that a c-section can save a mother and baby from near disaster but in my case, this was not so. Not once was Ethan or myself in any danger until the c/s was performed. I tried to make sense of things and justify the c/s but I really can't. The GBS should have been a non-issue by the time they would have broken my water. Ethan had not engaged in the birth canal which could be another reason not to break my water but then I should have been left alone. It was unnecessary and caused me so much needless pain.
I found out that Medicaid was not an issue at the next county's hospital and called the 2 practices that have privileges there. The first said they wouldn't take me since I was 20 weeks and on Medicaid, they only take limited Medicaid cases. The second made me an appointment. They seemed great at first. I cried at the appointment telling my story. The MW said she would have to talk with the 3 OB's, all female and see if they would "allow" me to VBAC. It appeared I might have something wrong with my pelvis, CPD, and would not be able to. She would call me next Monday after their meeting with an answer. No call... I finally realized what was up and begged the first practice to please take me, I had no where else to go. So I got an appointment and seen the 3 MW's. They seemed great, very understanding, admitted I had gotten ripped off with the c/s. I finally felt like someone was on my side. But with each visit, I realized this was all a front. I won't go thru each visit but here's the run down of what I was told. I was high risk because of my weight and VBAC status. Yes, I was overweight but not to a debilitating extent and I only gained 16 lbs the whole pregnancy. I was expected to have GD, gestational diabetes because of my weight. They made me have another test done which was a blood draw instead of finger prick and I was sick the whole way home. They expected me to have pre-eclampsia. I did not end up with any complications. I had an "intervention" over my birth plan which was nothing more than wanting a natural birth. I didn't want to swing from the rafters or have a candlelit chanting session on the roof of the hospital. I was told that I needed to get over what happened previously and trust them. In the final weeks, I tested positive for Group B Strep and in discussing the options for treatment or retesting, I was told that I have GBS because I'm a "big girl" and can't wipe my ass and that antibiotics were the only option. She also wanted to do a vaginal exam to see how "difficult" my cervix was going to be. I didn't want to be checked at this point, there was no need and had already been told by the other MW that I wouldn't have to be checked until 40 weeks. There was much more to this visit and the previous ones but these are the high lights. My husband asked why my request for a natural birth was so difficult and she compared me to a heart attack patient coming into the hospital and requesting that I not be given meds for the condition. This was the final straw for me as I realized they viewed me as a disaster waiting to happen and that if I went to the hospital with them, I would pretty much be signing my c-section papers. I would never be comfortable with them. So we fired them and there was instant peace. We were going to home birth and try to find a MW if possible. I found a birth consultant who I refer to as a MW but she was willing to take us on at about 39 weeks... this story is continued in Simon's Birth Story.
Simon's Birth 6/23/10 - Home Birth
We planned to have a home birth after so many problems trying to have a hospital VBAC. Found a midwife/birth consultant about 1 hour away at 39ish weeks and planned to deliver there as it was close to a VBAC friendly hospital in case the need arose. I had prodronal labor for weeks and finally thought the day arrived on Wed, June 16th but the contractions stalled out at 4 -6 mins apart. My pelvis started feeling really bad and my MW suggested I see a Chiropractor to get adjusted. Went the following Tuesday and I instantly felt better. We met with MW to finalize all details and discuss the back-up plan we had in place. My MW had a conference she was going to the next day and we had already met with her back-up and felt very comfortable. We knew she would be away for this when we decided to go with her but were hoping I would have him before she left. We decided to get all materials just in case we decided to stay at home. Those being the tub, herbal remedies, scale, etc.
On Wed. 6/23 I woke up having contractions at about 4:30 am. I started timing them at 5:20 and they were 4 – 6 min apart. I puttered around the house doing chores, I just couldn't go back to sleep. This was mistake #1. As I knew I was definitely in labor, I got Ben up and he started getting things ready. He set up the birth pool in the kitchen and started getting all our supplies ready, we were just going to stay home, it felt right. We did the Hibiclens wash for GBS and I got in my bath tub to labor for awhile as the contractions were pretty intense. Ben put on some music. Thought I might be able to get a rhythm and distract me from the contractions but I just ignored that and started a kinda humming through the contractions. They were roughly 2 -3 mins apart and they hurt really bad. This was back labor. MW had explained why the left side lying baby is optimal the day before. A baby laying on the right side has to make the turn all the way around to the left side in most cases to get into the pelvis. Problem was, Simon was still on the right side, he hadn't moved at all. Ben had called the MW earlier and told her we were in labor. He called her back to give her an update and get some reassurance, I think. She had already offered to come be with us but we felt like we could handle it at the moment and didn't want her to miss her trip. Just from hearing me over the phone, she gave him advice on where I was in labor and what to expect. Definitely active labor and she pegged roughly when I would hit transition, although she told Ben not to tell me that it would be a few hours, smart MW. I finally broke down and had him check me to see if we had any progress, I so needed that reassurance since labor was so tough. I was roughly 5 to 6 cm and really thin and slimy. It was a little disappointing as I started out labor being at least 3-4 cm. I got on the toilet to pee and lost my mucous plug completely and just stayed there for awhile. I dosed between contractions. I tried to walk some while Ben did some counter pressure. It helped a little. I sat on the birthing ball and rolled around a bit. I started feeling nauseous and Ben tried to get me to eat some almonds for energy. I got down a few here and there and took sips of water but this was not enough to make a huge difference. Mistake #2. I was losing my energy and had no idea how much longer it would be. The birthing pool was ready so we tried that. The warm water felt good but the contractions were kicking my butt. I had been in active type labor for nearly 5 hours. I basically draped myself across the tub side and passed out between contractions. I hum moaned through them. I tried to visualize blooming flowers and waves of the ocean, the bee stung me and the waves crashed over. My mom tickled my back which is something she used to do to get me to sleep when I was little. This was comforting but it actually slowed down my progress because I needed to be moving. Mistake #3. Simon was still in the same position on the right side. Ben talked to the MW again to update. She made a point to ask him how he was doing because he sounded so tired. She told him he had to take care of himself because he was all I had to get me through this, he needed to eat while my mom was helping out. She also prepared him for what transition would be like, expect me to hit a wall and be irrational etc. Contractions were 2 mins apart. I honestly had no idea I was just so exhausted. Ben got in the tub with me to try and encourage me to move but I was simply too tired. This went on for awhile and finally I hit transition. I tried rocking through the contractions, it was all I could muster up in an attempt to move. Ben was ever patient with me. He finally called the MW after this went on for awhile longer and she could tell I was in transition. She encouraged Ben to get me to move and try to help Simon move. He was still in the same place. I knew this and started feeling defeated. He wasn't going to come out, I couldn't handle the pain anymore, I was so tired... Ben calmly looked at me and said do you really want to go to the hospital? Do you realize what will happen if we go at this point? You wanted this birth to be done your way, it won't be if we go to the hospital? My rational answer was NO. So he told me we were going to get through this and have this baby, it wouldn't be long. This is coming from a man who was not gung ho about a home birth at first til he realized what I was going through with the medical community. He was definitely not excited about being in a tub with all those gross fluids yet he was there where I had basically peed on him all day. I remember a story about the significance of having a husband who would say no, as cruel as that may seem I am so thankful that I had a husband who told me No and didn't cave into my pleas while I was in pain. Who helped me handle it and realize what the goal was. I could have never got through this without him, the wall was too great but he was everything I needed to keep climbing it. I said I needed him to check me and see if we could feel the baby yet. He talked to the MW to try to determine what was going on. He was concerned but masked it very well. Simon was still on the right side. She gave instruction to start on hands and knees and labor for 3 contractions, then turn on the side for 3, then the back for 3, then other side, then hands and knees again. This was the goal to see if Simon would turn. I tried to argue and plead that I was too tired but Ben wouldn't let me give up and we started the process. I hated labor on my side, It hurt. When I got to the set on my back Ben could tell Simon had moved to the left, I didn't believe it but he was so encouraging. We finished the rolls and I made him check me again. We still couldn't feel the head so Ben called the MW back and she asked if I felt the need to push. I really didn't have that urge but if I attempted a small push it made the contraction a bit more bearable so I gave a few little pushes. I was scared I wasn't ready to push and knew I could cause swelling. We kept working through the contractions and at this point I made Ben just keep checking until we felt him move down, he finally did. He suggested I get up and squat as this was the position I wanted to deliver in and I pushed and my water broke. Exploded would be a better description and it actually hurt. I gave some more pushes and passed gas, which was a great way to cut through the intensity of the moments, a little comic relief and as I pushed harder I ended up passing more in the water. Ben acted like it was no big deal and just went on, (that was not in my birth plan). But after a few more pushes, I was too tired and ended up on my back, the position I did not want to be in. Ben checked again and he could feel something, something that freaked him out although he hid it very well. He felt the baby's head as it was compressed in the top of the birth canal. This feels like a hard plate jutting out into a scrunch of tissue and at this point Ben thought I was killing his baby or the chord was compressed. He said we have to check the heart beat now. I felt the urgency in his voice but I could only deal with the contractions. He found the heart beat and just smiled, it was 132 like it had been through the whole process. He said alright mommy, let's have our baby. I finally gave into pushes with full force and Ben tried to encourage me. Simon would come down and go back, come down and go back. Ben wouldn't tell me this he just kept saying it wouldn't be long. I was praying to Jesus for him to come out. My mom had to leave, she was in histarics. I started to feel the burn, the ring of fire that I've heard so much about. It's all that and more. I should have heeded the warning to stop pushing so hard. At first I thought Ben was trying to pull me apart and realized he didn't have his hands anywhere near, this was my baby coming out and I pushed with all my might. Mistake #4, fast is not always better. I pushed hard a few times and screamed and his head came out. I knew immediately I had tore. I kept trying to get a better position to push but I was close to crushing his head so I couldn't get leverage and it took a few contractions to get where I could push. I pushed with all my might again and I felt the shoulders start to give and he popped out like a rocket. He ended up slightly rounding on the side of the birthing pool but Ben caught him and put him on my chest. Wall instantly gone as I met my baby and started taking care of him. He raised his head and looked around. He let out a few cries and was pinking up great. Our biggest concern was he seemed to have a lot of mucous in his airway but his color was great and the chord was still attached. We wiped and cleaned and finally got me sat up enough to get him to nurse. He latched on like a champ. He was so alert. Ben started looking me over for signs of blood loss or shock. I was exhausted but seemed to be fine. I started having major contractions and tried to push a little to get the placenta out. It was roughly maybe 15 min and it came out in another gush which actually hurt, probably because I had tore, and it basically bumped into Ben's lap. Blood loss was a concern at this point because the tub was pretty red. I later examined the placenta and it had ripped some so that accounted for the blood. Simon was doing good and the chord was clamped and cut so my mom took him and we got out of the pool and went to the bed to inspect what was going on. Could definitely see a tear and I think there were a few more small ones. Ben thought the blood was a bit much but not gushing so he made me take a Chinese herb for hemorrhage, just a small dose. It either helped or the bleeding was just doing what it needed to. I had no signs of shock. Ben made me eat at this point and checked out Simon. All seemed good, HR good, all stuff attached and in the right places. He still sounded a little snotty but it was improving. We loved on Simon and Ben and I just cried. He was so emotional over the fact that he just delivered his son and how gypped we were with the other 2 births. I can't put into the words the connection that was there but it will last a lifetime. He loved me through my most vulnerable moments and stood by me, believed in me. This was the support I had needed all along, including the other 2 births. Simon was not the only great thing that came out of the day and experience. A broken heart was healed, a marriage was renewed built on endless trust and unbelievable patience and understanding, it brings new meaning to 2 becoming 1. It was beautiful. I said it wasn't my perfect planned birth, but it couldn't have been better.
We took him to the hospital at about 7 hrs old because I was concerned that he still had mucous in his lungs from where he shot out too fast and it might cause pneumonia. I wish we would have waited and just tried to keep working it out. In the end all it needed was time. The hospital was awful. It was the Spanish inquisition by every person that came through. Here came the bombardment of tests and things. We had him suctioned and honestly they did the most crap job, they didn't get hardly anything out. So we ended up reluctantly consenting to an x-ray even though his O2 stats were 100%. We were told he had partially collapsed lungs and that the pediatrician on call, who did not come in wanted to admit us for observation. The Ped ended up being my kids Dr. and I have to say I am considering changing after how we were treated. They debated on if we should be admitted to the NICU or the nursery, both of which I was opposed to. It was basically implied that if we didn't stay for observation that they would call social services. I said we had to be with him constantly, no separation. Come to find out, his lungs were not the issue, they were making us stay because I was GBS positive and did not get antibiotics. Our story was we planned to go to the hospital in Asheville, 1 hr away and we just didn't make it. We were asked questions to try to trick us into giving away that we planned a home birth and that we had a MW present. We were basically called liars because one nurse refused to believe we did it ourselves. We were admitted to a room on the labor floor and wonderfully, they would not allow Simon in the nursery with the sterile babies because he was born at home! He stayed with us constantly. They monitored his O2 which never waived and his temp. They drew blood for cultures and then tried to start all the “routine” newborn things which I gladly refused. No vaccines, no vit k as he was already clotting. I did consent to the eye ointment because they were so concerned about GBS, he ended up with irritated eyes. Our Ped came in in the morning and said his x-ray was fine, it was some mucous that would come out although they did nothing to help it along (basically ER staff is stupid) but he gave us the third degree about having him at home. I tried to explain my reasoning and the Hibiclens procedure which is backed up by research. He said I was incorrect, that I shouldn't believe everything I read off the internet and basically said we were horrible parents. Well, I'm glad research is ignored yet again. We served our 48 hour prison sentence and all his tests came back fine. During the time, the MW from my first practice recognized my name and came to check on me. I was not admitted so I didn't get checked out but she asked me how I was doing and encouraged me to come back to the practice, she understood my insurance reasons for leaving and was approving of a home birth, she even defended us to some of the nurses. On the day we left, the Ped couldn't find anything wrong (reluctantly) so he went on about Simon losing a few oz and basically demanded I supplement until my milk came in. I did end up giving him a bottle but it was because he did not have a wet diaper for nearly 12 hours.
I rode the hormone high for days. Nothing compares to a home birth. I can't say we did it unassisted because we had so much support, even if they weren't all in the room. God was looking out for us through everything. My MW was awesome, her support of Ben was just amazing. My family was great although my mom was a basket case, her being there and my dad taking care of my boys was much needed and my 17 year old niece got to watch the whole thing. She was very helpful to Ben and took tons of pictures and video, kept track of everything. I will never forget the miracle I was so blessed to be a part of.
I am a stay at home mom on a mission. After having a decent, induced vaginal birth, a horrible c-section and finally a wonderful home birth, I want to help educate women about gentle birth choices. I am currently working on becoming a childbirth educator, birth doula and maybe one day a lay midwife. My experiences have shaped who I am and what I believe. If you've never had a traumatic event happen in your life, then you probably will never fully understand where I come from. Birth should not be that traumatic event like it is for so many. I recognize that there are 2 sides to every story, debate etc. I offer my side based on experience and research but I am also humble enough to respect the opinions of others as long as they are truly informed opinions, not just hateful ramblings. I also recognize that people take away different things from a situation because of their previous experiences etc. I encourage everyone who visits my blog to read my birth stories below as these are the driving force behind my time here.
Noah's Birth 3/13/02 - Induced Vaginal
I was induced at 37.5 weeks by the midwife at my practice because I developed a rash on my abdomen. It was believed to be “pups” rash which is related to pregnancy. No testing was done to confirm this, it was actually a food allergy. There was no danger other than me scratching the skin off my belly but they felt I should be induced because the only way to get rid of the rash was to "get rid of the baby". They scheduled the induction for the next day and prescribed a steroid cream and an anti-itching pill, which was probably an oral steroid; I was a complete moron. I was induced at about 7:45 am with a Pitocin drip. It was scheduled for 7 am but it took 6 attempts by 3 nurses to get an IV line started. I don't have very good veins. I progressed nicely and was visited by the OB at my practice at @ 11:30 am. I was not comfortable with him at all. He had a horrible bedside manner and left you feeling cold. I went to this practice because this is where my mom had gone, although she had not been in nearly 10 years. I had seen the midwife for the whole pregnancy so his visit was not a pleasure. My husband had just left to get a drink form the machines so I was alone. He did a vaginal exam and then proceeded to stretch me which felt like he broke my pelvis. I screamed in pain as I was not prepared for that and no one should have to endure that. He did not speak to me at all. He proceeded to break my water and place an internal monitor in my child's scalp. I had no idea what was going on; I was shocked, hurt, furious. My husband came running down the hall in response to my screams followed by a nurse. The OB ordered Demerol for pain which I refused. He looked at my husband who was in shock and said “she's in too much pain, she doesn't know what she needs”. So Ben just shook his head in agreement with that "deer in the headlights" look and I got a dose of unwanted meds. He had no idea what was going on. In hindsight, I can't blame him although I was mad at him, he thought I was in pain and needed help, he didn't know the OB had done that to me. It ruined my labor. You may think I'm sick and twisted because I wanted to experience the pain of labor but I knew I could handle it, it was never a doubt for me. I woke up for the contractions and then passed back out. The midwife was very upset. I got the impression he stepped in quite often and took over. I did ask for more pain medicine a little later because I was still feeling it, the contractions were getting stronger. The midwife said "I thought you didn't want any drugs in a chiding tone." My response was "If I was made to have them then you had better make them work!" I really don't remember much after that except needing to go to the bathroom. They made me try to go in a bed pan, I wasn't allowed out of the bed. I am a private person so it wasn't happening. After trying this for awhile with no luck, they inserted a catheter which hurt so bad. There was too much pressure from the baby at that point. I have pictures of Ben feeding me ice chips and rubbing my feet but I don't remember any of that. These intimate, loving moments were lost in a drug stupor. At about 2:35 pm I was ready to push and Noah arrived at 2:57 pm. I didn't get to see him immediately as they whisk babies from their mothers but I could hear him cry. The midwife was pushing on my belly pretty hard. I was in and out because of the meds. Then my arm began to hurt really bad. I had blew my IV. I realized something was going on, it was an unsure look on the midwifes face. There was a little difficulty delivering the placenta and I was bleeding pretty bad. I lost alot of blood but not enough to require a transfusion. The placenta was tugged on, my belly was mashed and massaged, I got shots in both hips and eventually the placenta came out. My uterus was done. While my family had turned their attention to my new bundle of joy that was separated from me, I was having a hemorrhage. They replaced my IV and gave me something else. Eventually the bleeding was under control. I got shots in my whoo-hoo and the tears were stitched up although they were not that bad. I finally got to hold Noah and feel his soft skin and hold his little fingers. I had to lay flat because of the blood loss which made breast feeding difficult but we kept trying. Once I was able to sit up, he latched on great. This complication was not discussed with me at all. I believe now that this was a complication from the Pitocin, which is a common thing; so much for full disclosure. This was not my ideal birth, I wanted a natural birth but it could have been much worse. My natural birth idea went out the window when I agreed to be induced. I walked away with what I thought at the time was a good experience, minus a few things. Noah was healthy and was 21.75 inches long and weighed 7 lbs 9.5 oz.
Ethan's Birth 7/17/03 - C-section for FTP
I found out I was pregnant again when Noah was 8 months old. I was still breast feeding so did not think I could get pregnant yet but it was a welcome surprise. I stayed with the same practice with a promise from the midwife that I would not have to see the OB again. This was an empty promise as I found out when I went into labor and I should have known better. This is not the kind of thing a midwife can promise. At my 39 week visit, I was not favorable to be induced. I was miserable and they were estimating this baby was going to be big although no ultrasound was done. I had to see the OB because I had not seen him at all this pregnancy = first broken promise. He hurt me again and I think he tried to strip my membranes but couldn't get in because I wasn't dilated enough. A few days later, I went to the hospital at about 3:30 am with mild contractions that were steady. I didn't know what to expect since I was induced previously, you always hear about the second baby being born so fast you couldn't make it to the hospital. The midwife was on vacation and I got stuck with the OB; this was a complete surprise. He decided to keep me per a phone call, even though I was barely dilated, not fully effaced and barely having contractions. These were clearly braxton hicks although I didn't know that at the time. I was started on IV antibiotics because I had tested Group Strep B positive with this baby and I didn't know that, so another surprise that needed some explanation that I did not get. When he came in at 8:00 am, I tried to talk to him. I was extremely uncomfortable with him and wanted to at least get some form of communication going. He ignored me and left my room without talking to me at all about my concerns. He came back at noon, was not happy that I was not further along and ordered Pitocin. I tried to talk to him again, he actually spoke to my dad but ignored me. Since the hospital was short staffed on nurses, I did not receive the Pitocin for several hours. I actually took a long nap. I think I ended up with 7 different nurses that day. I tried to talk to each one, to let them know what I wanted and did not want because I was afraid of the OB and he hadn't listened to me. He came back at about 5:00ish and yet again was not happy so upped the dose. I was not encouraged to get up and walk or change positions. I was not in alot of pain so had no pain medication. We were forcing a labor that wasn't ready. He came back at 8:00pm and decided I needed a c-section even though I was at 4cm now and contractions were improving. I was in complete shock. There was no discussion about anything. The few questions I got out were quickly shot down, including the suggestion/question of breaking my water. There was no fetal distress or mom distress, there was no reason other than I wasn't progressing. 1 to 4 cm is progress right? The next events are a blur as I was exposed and prodded etc. They shaved me, and this would be every nurse int he hospital I think, put another painful catheter in, all while the nurse anesthetist is sitting there talking to me about the spinal I will be getting. My baby Noah had just came to the hospital to see me as I was being whisked away to the OR, I didn't even get to kiss him. I was given a spinal in the OR with contractions that at this point were getting painful. They missed and had to do it again. I was so scared to even move but I couldn't help it because I was crying and hurting. They wouldn't wait and give me a minute to compose myself. I have pain in that part of my back that has never went away. Ben was not with me, I was terrified. The scrub nurse recognized me from when I volunteered at the hospital in high school and she was wonderful to me. I would have completely lost it if she had not been there and held me. Ben finally arrived after they were already cutting me. I found out that he had to go back for the camera because they would not let him use the camcorder. I got to see a glimpse of my baby and faintly heard him cry as the general anesthesia or whatever it was took effect, something else that was a surprise. I woke up in ICU throwing up with no idea what happened to me or if my baby was OK. A nurse finally came in to check on me and said this was the normal place they take surgery patients after hours, nothing bad had happened. I was taken back to a different room than the one I was in while in labor (it was smaller and less cheery) and was in so much pain I couldn't stand it. Ben was there and he told me Ethan was OK, he was in the nursery. Ben went home for the night, I suggested he go. I really wished he would have stayed, I felt so alone. The nurse gave me something that knocked me out and I didn't see my baby til the next day, nearly 12 hours later. It devastated me. I was in so much pain and I was forced to get up and walk. It felt like my insides were going to fall out. I was also bombarded by a male nurse intern that refused to leave me alone during my recovery. He was overly eager to put into practice what he had learned and repeatedly wanted me to talk about my experience. I was still trying to figure out what had happened over the pain and drugs. I also got the pleasure of having him remove the catheter, which if possible, hurt more than when they put it in. When the OB came to remove the staples (he was not gentle), I found out that he had cut me vertically, which is like having the ability to move completely taken away, no wonder I was in so much pain and felt like it was all going to fall out. I was not informed about anything. I felt violated in every way. 12 weeks after, I was not recovered, not even close. I could barely move much less take care of my new baby and certainly not my 16 month old. Noah turned away from me because I couldn't hold him and he didn't understand. That hurt. My mom came and helped every day for 2 weeks. We were able to breast feed although it was a struggle for me because of bonding issues I think. I fell into depression that lasted nearly 3 years on some level. It was a nightmare and something I have never been able to get over completely. Ethan was healthy, that's all that matters right? He was born at 8:42 pm, 22.25 inches long and weighed 8lbs 7 oz. I don't have any pictures of me with my new baby until after we are home. The only picture I have of me in the hospital is sitting in the bed looking like I got hit by a truck.
There were many things that could have been done to prevent this c-section. First, I should have found a new practice/OB that I was comfortable with and treated me like a person with real concerns and desires rather than an animal. I should have been sent home to progress through the early stages of labor, if I was even in actual labor, and came back when things were more active, I should have been encouraged to get up and move to help labor progress, my water should have been broken to help labor progress or simply, I should have been given time for my body to work, as much as it needed. At no point was there any indication that the baby or myself were in distress. I was denied the right to have my child naturally. I am grateful to modern medicine that a c-section can save a mother and baby from near disaster but in my case, this was not so. Not once was Ethan or myself in any danger until the c/s was performed. I tried to make sense of things and justify the c/s but I really can't. The GBS should have been a non-issue by the time they would have broken my water. Ethan had not engaged in the birth canal which could be another reason not to break my water but then I should have been left alone. It was unnecessary and caused me so much needless pain.
The Events Leading Up To Simon's Birth
5.5 years had passed since Ethan's birth, most of which was a dark and dreary time for me. I started working in child care are realized how much I wanted another child. I had developed PCOS, Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome during these years and getting pregnant seemed unlikely. I became pregnant the month after I was laid off from my job. We had been trying for about 6 months prior to that but stopped when the news of lay-offs became more than rumor. Sure enough, we don't try and things happen. In retrospect, God has wonderful timing. So I lost my insurance with the lay-off and had to get on Medicaid. I started my OB visits with an OB I had been seeing for the past few years but not the one that delivered my boys. Never again would he touch me. I felt pretty comfortable with the new OB and MW, of course we had never really discussed birth options. The first visits were typical blood work etc. I did not want another c-section and expressed this desire. We had to get my records since my outer incision was vertical and see what the uterus cut was like and we'd go from there. The uterus was transverse, one obstacle down. At about 19 weeks, I saw the OB finally. This was my chance to discuss VBAC and get the OB's "OK" since he would be the one over-seeing labor. He went through his spill and there were a few things I didn't agree with. I had done some research so I knew the use of Pitocin was a no-no. He would rather induce and watch the whole labor than for mom to labor at home. He also had a 9 lb baby restriction which also was not OK with me. In explaining the risks of VBAC and the way they would do things, he made a point to mention how inconvenient it was that he would have to stay at the hospital with me as long as I labored. At the end of the conversation, like it's no big deal... "now you know that Medicaid does not cover a VBAC". I was in complete shock. Why would it not, it's essentially a natural delivery. I left in tears, practically pushed out of the office and called everyone I could think of. The insurance lady at the OB's office tried to tell me "just to have the c/s, I wouldn't want to leave my husband to raise the kids by himself or I wouldn't want to be responsible for killing my baby, if I was afraid of the pain I could have that epidural for as long as I wanted." The bs went on and on. I called Medicaid and they were confused as to why it wouldn't cover as well. They do not have a VBAC "code" but they cover the birth of babies period. I called the hospital and after speaking to some 20 people in various departments, I never got an answer or the "code" by which it wouldn't pay. So I resolved that I would have to go to a different hospital since that seemed to be where the problem was.I found out that Medicaid was not an issue at the next county's hospital and called the 2 practices that have privileges there. The first said they wouldn't take me since I was 20 weeks and on Medicaid, they only take limited Medicaid cases. The second made me an appointment. They seemed great at first. I cried at the appointment telling my story. The MW said she would have to talk with the 3 OB's, all female and see if they would "allow" me to VBAC. It appeared I might have something wrong with my pelvis, CPD, and would not be able to. She would call me next Monday after their meeting with an answer. No call... I finally realized what was up and begged the first practice to please take me, I had no where else to go. So I got an appointment and seen the 3 MW's. They seemed great, very understanding, admitted I had gotten ripped off with the c/s. I finally felt like someone was on my side. But with each visit, I realized this was all a front. I won't go thru each visit but here's the run down of what I was told. I was high risk because of my weight and VBAC status. Yes, I was overweight but not to a debilitating extent and I only gained 16 lbs the whole pregnancy. I was expected to have GD, gestational diabetes because of my weight. They made me have another test done which was a blood draw instead of finger prick and I was sick the whole way home. They expected me to have pre-eclampsia. I did not end up with any complications. I had an "intervention" over my birth plan which was nothing more than wanting a natural birth. I didn't want to swing from the rafters or have a candlelit chanting session on the roof of the hospital. I was told that I needed to get over what happened previously and trust them. In the final weeks, I tested positive for Group B Strep and in discussing the options for treatment or retesting, I was told that I have GBS because I'm a "big girl" and can't wipe my ass and that antibiotics were the only option. She also wanted to do a vaginal exam to see how "difficult" my cervix was going to be. I didn't want to be checked at this point, there was no need and had already been told by the other MW that I wouldn't have to be checked until 40 weeks. There was much more to this visit and the previous ones but these are the high lights. My husband asked why my request for a natural birth was so difficult and she compared me to a heart attack patient coming into the hospital and requesting that I not be given meds for the condition. This was the final straw for me as I realized they viewed me as a disaster waiting to happen and that if I went to the hospital with them, I would pretty much be signing my c-section papers. I would never be comfortable with them. So we fired them and there was instant peace. We were going to home birth and try to find a MW if possible. I found a birth consultant who I refer to as a MW but she was willing to take us on at about 39 weeks... this story is continued in Simon's Birth Story.
Simon's Birth 6/23/10 - Home Birth
We planned to have a home birth after so many problems trying to have a hospital VBAC. Found a midwife/birth consultant about 1 hour away at 39ish weeks and planned to deliver there as it was close to a VBAC friendly hospital in case the need arose. I had prodronal labor for weeks and finally thought the day arrived on Wed, June 16th but the contractions stalled out at 4 -6 mins apart. My pelvis started feeling really bad and my MW suggested I see a Chiropractor to get adjusted. Went the following Tuesday and I instantly felt better. We met with MW to finalize all details and discuss the back-up plan we had in place. My MW had a conference she was going to the next day and we had already met with her back-up and felt very comfortable. We knew she would be away for this when we decided to go with her but were hoping I would have him before she left. We decided to get all materials just in case we decided to stay at home. Those being the tub, herbal remedies, scale, etc.
On Wed. 6/23 I woke up having contractions at about 4:30 am. I started timing them at 5:20 and they were 4 – 6 min apart. I puttered around the house doing chores, I just couldn't go back to sleep. This was mistake #1. As I knew I was definitely in labor, I got Ben up and he started getting things ready. He set up the birth pool in the kitchen and started getting all our supplies ready, we were just going to stay home, it felt right. We did the Hibiclens wash for GBS and I got in my bath tub to labor for awhile as the contractions were pretty intense. Ben put on some music. Thought I might be able to get a rhythm and distract me from the contractions but I just ignored that and started a kinda humming through the contractions. They were roughly 2 -3 mins apart and they hurt really bad. This was back labor. MW had explained why the left side lying baby is optimal the day before. A baby laying on the right side has to make the turn all the way around to the left side in most cases to get into the pelvis. Problem was, Simon was still on the right side, he hadn't moved at all. Ben had called the MW earlier and told her we were in labor. He called her back to give her an update and get some reassurance, I think. She had already offered to come be with us but we felt like we could handle it at the moment and didn't want her to miss her trip. Just from hearing me over the phone, she gave him advice on where I was in labor and what to expect. Definitely active labor and she pegged roughly when I would hit transition, although she told Ben not to tell me that it would be a few hours, smart MW. I finally broke down and had him check me to see if we had any progress, I so needed that reassurance since labor was so tough. I was roughly 5 to 6 cm and really thin and slimy. It was a little disappointing as I started out labor being at least 3-4 cm. I got on the toilet to pee and lost my mucous plug completely and just stayed there for awhile. I dosed between contractions. I tried to walk some while Ben did some counter pressure. It helped a little. I sat on the birthing ball and rolled around a bit. I started feeling nauseous and Ben tried to get me to eat some almonds for energy. I got down a few here and there and took sips of water but this was not enough to make a huge difference. Mistake #2. I was losing my energy and had no idea how much longer it would be. The birthing pool was ready so we tried that. The warm water felt good but the contractions were kicking my butt. I had been in active type labor for nearly 5 hours. I basically draped myself across the tub side and passed out between contractions. I hum moaned through them. I tried to visualize blooming flowers and waves of the ocean, the bee stung me and the waves crashed over. My mom tickled my back which is something she used to do to get me to sleep when I was little. This was comforting but it actually slowed down my progress because I needed to be moving. Mistake #3. Simon was still in the same position on the right side. Ben talked to the MW again to update. She made a point to ask him how he was doing because he sounded so tired. She told him he had to take care of himself because he was all I had to get me through this, he needed to eat while my mom was helping out. She also prepared him for what transition would be like, expect me to hit a wall and be irrational etc. Contractions were 2 mins apart. I honestly had no idea I was just so exhausted. Ben got in the tub with me to try and encourage me to move but I was simply too tired. This went on for awhile and finally I hit transition. I tried rocking through the contractions, it was all I could muster up in an attempt to move. Ben was ever patient with me. He finally called the MW after this went on for awhile longer and she could tell I was in transition. She encouraged Ben to get me to move and try to help Simon move. He was still in the same place. I knew this and started feeling defeated. He wasn't going to come out, I couldn't handle the pain anymore, I was so tired... Ben calmly looked at me and said do you really want to go to the hospital? Do you realize what will happen if we go at this point? You wanted this birth to be done your way, it won't be if we go to the hospital? My rational answer was NO. So he told me we were going to get through this and have this baby, it wouldn't be long. This is coming from a man who was not gung ho about a home birth at first til he realized what I was going through with the medical community. He was definitely not excited about being in a tub with all those gross fluids yet he was there where I had basically peed on him all day. I remember a story about the significance of having a husband who would say no, as cruel as that may seem I am so thankful that I had a husband who told me No and didn't cave into my pleas while I was in pain. Who helped me handle it and realize what the goal was. I could have never got through this without him, the wall was too great but he was everything I needed to keep climbing it. I said I needed him to check me and see if we could feel the baby yet. He talked to the MW to try to determine what was going on. He was concerned but masked it very well. Simon was still on the right side. She gave instruction to start on hands and knees and labor for 3 contractions, then turn on the side for 3, then the back for 3, then other side, then hands and knees again. This was the goal to see if Simon would turn. I tried to argue and plead that I was too tired but Ben wouldn't let me give up and we started the process. I hated labor on my side, It hurt. When I got to the set on my back Ben could tell Simon had moved to the left, I didn't believe it but he was so encouraging. We finished the rolls and I made him check me again. We still couldn't feel the head so Ben called the MW back and she asked if I felt the need to push. I really didn't have that urge but if I attempted a small push it made the contraction a bit more bearable so I gave a few little pushes. I was scared I wasn't ready to push and knew I could cause swelling. We kept working through the contractions and at this point I made Ben just keep checking until we felt him move down, he finally did. He suggested I get up and squat as this was the position I wanted to deliver in and I pushed and my water broke. Exploded would be a better description and it actually hurt. I gave some more pushes and passed gas, which was a great way to cut through the intensity of the moments, a little comic relief and as I pushed harder I ended up passing more in the water. Ben acted like it was no big deal and just went on, (that was not in my birth plan). But after a few more pushes, I was too tired and ended up on my back, the position I did not want to be in. Ben checked again and he could feel something, something that freaked him out although he hid it very well. He felt the baby's head as it was compressed in the top of the birth canal. This feels like a hard plate jutting out into a scrunch of tissue and at this point Ben thought I was killing his baby or the chord was compressed. He said we have to check the heart beat now. I felt the urgency in his voice but I could only deal with the contractions. He found the heart beat and just smiled, it was 132 like it had been through the whole process. He said alright mommy, let's have our baby. I finally gave into pushes with full force and Ben tried to encourage me. Simon would come down and go back, come down and go back. Ben wouldn't tell me this he just kept saying it wouldn't be long. I was praying to Jesus for him to come out. My mom had to leave, she was in histarics. I started to feel the burn, the ring of fire that I've heard so much about. It's all that and more. I should have heeded the warning to stop pushing so hard. At first I thought Ben was trying to pull me apart and realized he didn't have his hands anywhere near, this was my baby coming out and I pushed with all my might. Mistake #4, fast is not always better. I pushed hard a few times and screamed and his head came out. I knew immediately I had tore. I kept trying to get a better position to push but I was close to crushing his head so I couldn't get leverage and it took a few contractions to get where I could push. I pushed with all my might again and I felt the shoulders start to give and he popped out like a rocket. He ended up slightly rounding on the side of the birthing pool but Ben caught him and put him on my chest. Wall instantly gone as I met my baby and started taking care of him. He raised his head and looked around. He let out a few cries and was pinking up great. Our biggest concern was he seemed to have a lot of mucous in his airway but his color was great and the chord was still attached. We wiped and cleaned and finally got me sat up enough to get him to nurse. He latched on like a champ. He was so alert. Ben started looking me over for signs of blood loss or shock. I was exhausted but seemed to be fine. I started having major contractions and tried to push a little to get the placenta out. It was roughly maybe 15 min and it came out in another gush which actually hurt, probably because I had tore, and it basically bumped into Ben's lap. Blood loss was a concern at this point because the tub was pretty red. I later examined the placenta and it had ripped some so that accounted for the blood. Simon was doing good and the chord was clamped and cut so my mom took him and we got out of the pool and went to the bed to inspect what was going on. Could definitely see a tear and I think there were a few more small ones. Ben thought the blood was a bit much but not gushing so he made me take a Chinese herb for hemorrhage, just a small dose. It either helped or the bleeding was just doing what it needed to. I had no signs of shock. Ben made me eat at this point and checked out Simon. All seemed good, HR good, all stuff attached and in the right places. He still sounded a little snotty but it was improving. We loved on Simon and Ben and I just cried. He was so emotional over the fact that he just delivered his son and how gypped we were with the other 2 births. I can't put into the words the connection that was there but it will last a lifetime. He loved me through my most vulnerable moments and stood by me, believed in me. This was the support I had needed all along, including the other 2 births. Simon was not the only great thing that came out of the day and experience. A broken heart was healed, a marriage was renewed built on endless trust and unbelievable patience and understanding, it brings new meaning to 2 becoming 1. It was beautiful. I said it wasn't my perfect planned birth, but it couldn't have been better.
We took him to the hospital at about 7 hrs old because I was concerned that he still had mucous in his lungs from where he shot out too fast and it might cause pneumonia. I wish we would have waited and just tried to keep working it out. In the end all it needed was time. The hospital was awful. It was the Spanish inquisition by every person that came through. Here came the bombardment of tests and things. We had him suctioned and honestly they did the most crap job, they didn't get hardly anything out. So we ended up reluctantly consenting to an x-ray even though his O2 stats were 100%. We were told he had partially collapsed lungs and that the pediatrician on call, who did not come in wanted to admit us for observation. The Ped ended up being my kids Dr. and I have to say I am considering changing after how we were treated. They debated on if we should be admitted to the NICU or the nursery, both of which I was opposed to. It was basically implied that if we didn't stay for observation that they would call social services. I said we had to be with him constantly, no separation. Come to find out, his lungs were not the issue, they were making us stay because I was GBS positive and did not get antibiotics. Our story was we planned to go to the hospital in Asheville, 1 hr away and we just didn't make it. We were asked questions to try to trick us into giving away that we planned a home birth and that we had a MW present. We were basically called liars because one nurse refused to believe we did it ourselves. We were admitted to a room on the labor floor and wonderfully, they would not allow Simon in the nursery with the sterile babies because he was born at home! He stayed with us constantly. They monitored his O2 which never waived and his temp. They drew blood for cultures and then tried to start all the “routine” newborn things which I gladly refused. No vaccines, no vit k as he was already clotting. I did consent to the eye ointment because they were so concerned about GBS, he ended up with irritated eyes. Our Ped came in in the morning and said his x-ray was fine, it was some mucous that would come out although they did nothing to help it along (basically ER staff is stupid) but he gave us the third degree about having him at home. I tried to explain my reasoning and the Hibiclens procedure which is backed up by research. He said I was incorrect, that I shouldn't believe everything I read off the internet and basically said we were horrible parents. Well, I'm glad research is ignored yet again. We served our 48 hour prison sentence and all his tests came back fine. During the time, the MW from my first practice recognized my name and came to check on me. I was not admitted so I didn't get checked out but she asked me how I was doing and encouraged me to come back to the practice, she understood my insurance reasons for leaving and was approving of a home birth, she even defended us to some of the nurses. On the day we left, the Ped couldn't find anything wrong (reluctantly) so he went on about Simon losing a few oz and basically demanded I supplement until my milk came in. I did end up giving him a bottle but it was because he did not have a wet diaper for nearly 12 hours.
I rode the hormone high for days. Nothing compares to a home birth. I can't say we did it unassisted because we had so much support, even if they weren't all in the room. God was looking out for us through everything. My MW was awesome, her support of Ben was just amazing. My family was great although my mom was a basket case, her being there and my dad taking care of my boys was much needed and my 17 year old niece got to watch the whole thing. She was very helpful to Ben and took tons of pictures and video, kept track of everything. I will never forget the miracle I was so blessed to be a part of.
